A shoplifter named Joey
by ChocoMittens
Summary: A story that talks about the life of a shoplifter known as Joey, and the strange people he calls friends


SugarFang: Hiya! This is ChocoMittens Fanfic-  
  
ChocoMittens: Hey yeah.. thats right.. GET OUT!  
  
SugarFang: But without me you wouldn't have anyone to type your fanfics!  
  
ChocoMittens:....dang.....  
  
AuraFang: Yeah, your stuck with us, it's like were your editors or something y'know.  
  
ChocoMittens: ....You too huh? Gods help me...  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, or the song "Posioning Pigeons In the Park" However we do own the cd! Go us!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Joey~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Little Joseph Wheeler was prancing around the park, congratulating himself for stealing something that no one would have ever suspected, maybe not even himself, sure it was shiny, but it was also a bit unusual.  
  
~*~*~*~*~Flashback to the crime scene~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Joey was walking along the sidewalk, he was just getting back from school.  
  
Joey: oO' Hmm.. *Notices a shine bouncing off of a near by window* I feel as though I must...follow..the light...  
  
Nana: *Dropping her dentures into a small glass of water*  
  
She blinked and was blinded by the flash reflecting off of the glass which in turn was bouncing off of the metalic part of the dentures. She tried to sit down, trying to regain her sight but tripped over a nail sticking out of the floorboard in the usual cartoonish way. Unfortunantly she was knocked out. However this is lucky for us because little Joseph here would not have gotten the opprotunity that he had.  
  
Joey: *Peeping in through the window* Hello? Hello? *He noticed the old lady on the floor, and then he noticed the dentures, the SHINY dentures might we add* Oh what have we here!  
  
Joey reached down and attempted to pull the dentures out of the cup but tripped over the lady, activating the convenient button which might I add, she bought sheerly for the fact she liked the man in the commercials who did the disclaimer, and had never meant for it to be really used. Normally, since this happens often when you have shiny dentures (Or bored fanfiction author's), the button would not work since she forgot to put in the batteries. But never mind that, because this time it did, much to Joey's despair, WORK.  
  
Button: *BEEPBEEPBEEP* *static is heard and then a voice* HELLO? HELLO? ARE YOU ALIVE?  
  
Joey:...Crap, They've caught me!  
  
Button: Hello ma'am?? *in the background* I think we might have a burglar at hand! Ma'am were ON our way, in the mean time, we've sent some un-educated and not very useful men because well... were out.. we have a small shortage of workers, if you know what we mean.  
  
Joey: DOUBLE CRAP! *Is about to climb out of the window*  
  
Man: FREEZE! Oh wait this... lady has free chocolates. *He bent down to pick up one and popped it in his mouth* Jusht ah mohmehnt mha'am *He swallowed* Do you have any milk? *His eyes gazed upon the fridge and across the room he went!*  
  
Joey: *Now passed the window and onto the sidewalk, he smiled happily at the shinyness of the dentures, paused for a moment, looked around nervously and stuffed them in his pants* Hum-de-dum *He walked away in the 'I have some old lady's dentures stuffed in my pants that I stole by climbing in her house, picking them up, accidently activating her strange beeping bracelet and alerted the authories of my precense but narrowly excaping due to sheer luck and some of my henchmen in crime- also known as, fancy french truffles- sort of way'*  
  
However, the real authorities had just arrived at the retirement home and were deseperatly trying to wake up the lady, and pull the man out of the fridge, who they has mistaken as the robber and tried arresting.  
  
Nana: Where were you bums? It was horrible! He climbed in my window- *Pauses as she thinks of a story* pulled out a large screwdriver, and hit me over the head. But it would take more then that to make me give up! I fought like a tiger! But he fought like a much larger tiger and wrestled me the ground, yanked out my dentures and ran off like a mad man, laughing the whole way. And then that idiot came! *she pointed at the guy in handcuffs*  
  
Authorities: So your saying this man in the handcuffs is the culprit?  
  
Nana: NO! The real guy got away you morons.  
  
Authorities: *in annoyed voice* Can you identify this man we have handcuffed as the criminal?  
  
Nana: No, thats the guy who raided my chocolate stash!  
  
Authorities: So this is the man! Case closed! Donuts for the whole team! Beer too! *pumps fist into air*  
  
A big cheer went up among the cops.  
  
Nana, knowing she could not make these strange men understand, gave up.  
  
Nana: So what took you idiots so long?  
  
Cops: .....  
  
~*~*~*~*~Flamanago Flashback~*~*~*~*~  
  
Tristan was drunk...very drunk... so drunk he should not even be in public. However, that's never stopped Tristan before. Not with the New Years party, and not now. He grinned to himself in a drunken way.  
  
Tristan: I EXCAPED! WHAHAHAHA! They thought they could confine me to the room did they?? But I knew the door was unlocked! They cannot trick me, even in this state of dangerous drunkingly-ness. *He giggled and hiccuped* Thats a funny word!  
  
He fell to one knee, and was about to faint due to the dangerous amount of alchohal in his body but managed to stay concious. He looked around in a dizzy manner and he spotted something, something.. special.. very special to Tristan, even if he wasn't drunk he'd still like it, but now it seemed more important, irresistable. It was blurry and it looked as though it was talking to him. 'Come to me Tristan, Take me from the land in which I am mounted in, rid the world of my precence, make yourself my beholder! And behold the power of the FLAMANGO!' it seemed to say. He smiled. What a friendly and talkative peice of pink plastic it was. He always wanted a pet flamango, and this way he didn't have to pay for it! He crawled in a zig-zag line over to it and starting uprooting it from the neighbors yard.  
  
Tristan: I SHALL RULE!  
  
He pulled it out with one last yank, stood up, fell over, and stood up again! He held it up to the light. Nearly was blinded by the sun, and called out in a menacingly tone.  
  
Tristan: BEWARE ALL DESPISERS OF FLAMANGO'S! FORE I HAVE LIFTED THE FLAMANGO EX-CALIBUR FROM THE STONE IN WHICH IT HAS RESTED IN FOR SO MANY DECADES! AND WITH THIS MANLY PINK POWER I SHALL BECOME KING!  
  
And with that.. he giggled once more and staggered off too Yugi's house.  
  
At Yugi's house, Yami was gazing out the window. And a dredfully dismal day. Mortals had such boring lives, except when it came to TV. He loved TV. Expecially that stuff called 'Football' he loved watching it, and his favorite moment in the time he had gotten his own body (Which by the way, the Yami's in the story recieved threw a weird and mystical ritual they performed in china, we will not go into detail about this because it did not really happen and we don't quite know how they got their own bodies, but for the sake of the story, just believe it.) was when he, Yami Bakura, and Yami Malik and gotten together at Duke Devlin's house to watch the superbowl. They had gotten drunk AND arrested, talk about killing two birds with one stone! A grin lit upon his face as he thought this and Yugi eyed him suspiciously. Yami had that same look as when he had gotten drunk and arrested. Yugi shivered, he had to pay a fine. A BIG one too. Yami started giggling in a girlish way as he remembered that day.  
  
*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*  
  
Yami was standing outside of the jail, his clothes were dirty and ragged and in his hand there be a spoon. He called down into the big hole that emerged from the ground next to the jail.  
  
Yami: *Giggle* Yami Malik, Duke come on out! They'res no POLICE COP DUDES OUT HERE! *Giggle, Hiccup* They'll never know were trying to excape! We as in, me- YAMI MOTOU, YAMI BAKURA, YAMI MALIK, and DUKE DEVLIN! Those cop- er's won't catch us! Nope indeedy they won't! *He pulled his head out and glanced over to Bakura, who was now down the street. Bakura laughed insanely, he pointed at a chipmunk. The chipmunk's eyes grew round and wide. He darted down the street like it was his life he was running for. Bakura staggered after him.  
  
Bakura: Wait for me! Are you free on Sunday?! Come back! Do you want to go out with me?! Come back you seksi thang!!  
  
Bakura paused as if remembering something very important to him.  
  
Bakura: That reminds me of a song I once he heard! I'm too seksi for meh shirt! *He did a small dance and stripped of his shirt*  
  
[Fangirls: O_O *drool* Bakuuuuraaaa-sama!  
  
SugarFang: When we write the fanfics, were thinking of what the people want!  
  
Fangirls: BAKURA! BAKURA!  
  
Yami: Hey what about me! I'm a seksi thang too!  
  
Fangirls: *double drool* ]  
  
The chipmunk let out a scared squeek and hid behind a tree as Bakura continued to sing his...err.. interesting song.  
  
Bakura: I'm too seksi for my millenium ring! *Throws the ring over his shoulder*  
  
Yami Malik: *Head pops out of the hole* Is Bakura dancing again? ....RUUUUUUUUN!  
  
[ ChocoMittens: You didn't...  
  
SugarFang: I did..  
  
ChocoMittens: EARTHQUAKE!]  
  
Suddenly a pack of vicious, drooling, fangirls attacked!  
  
With a quick gasp Yami's mind came back to reality. After that, the police had rescued the poor bishies from the fangirls and made Yugi, Ryou, and Malik pay for their fine. Duke however, is still in jail to this day. If only that poor boy had a Hikari.  
  
He blinked. Yami's eyes came back into focas as a horrible scene erupted in front of his very own eyes. He backed away slowly.  
  
Yami: Y-Yugi.. I think we have a problem...  
  
Yugi: *rolls his eyes* What? Did I lose the mayor election?  
  
Yami: No actually you won, but.. Tristan's drunk.. AGAIN!  
  
Yugi let out a peircing scream, one that has been attempted only several times by the most proffesional screamers, but only manages to work in a case of pure terror.  
  
Tristan's head bobbed up and down in front of the window.  
  
Tristan: HEY YAMI! Want to come kidnap some Flamanago's with me and get drunk?  
  
A scene flashed threw Yami's mind.  
  
((The scene))  
  
Bakura: Hey Yami want to go watch the superbowl with me and some of the guys and get drunk?  
  
Yami: Haha, Sure Bakura, that sounds fun!  
  
((End Scene))  
  
Yami: No. NO. I REFUSE YOUR OFFER YOU FIEND!  
  
Tristan: Aw c'mon I already stole the Ex-Calibur from that house o'er there! And there are many more! Come with me! We will make a kingdom of flamango's, an army even! You can be the queen!  
  
Yami paused, as if considering this for a second and then shook his head.  
  
Yami: No.. NO... NOT AGAIN...  
  
Neighbor: Get back here with my flamango you punk! I'm calling the police!  
  
Yami: *Screams*  
  
Tristan: Don't worry yami! The Ex-Calibur shall protect us both! *Raises the flamango in the air dramatically*  
  
Yami: *Still screaming*  
  
Yugi:...God..take me now...  
  
The police Siren: WEE-WOO WEE-WOO  
  
Tristan: EX-CALIBUR PREPARE YOURSELF!  
  
Flamango: ¬¬  
  
Police: *Appear outside the window* SET DOWN THE LETHAL WEAPON!  
  
Yami: *Leaps out the window, picks up a garden gnome and is about to beat Tristan over the head with it*  
  
Neighbor: You fool that's not the proper way to beat someone! I'll go get my shot gun, you get a golf club!  
  
Yami: Alright, I'll be right back.  
  
Police: *On walkie-talkies* They put down the garden gnomes, and now their going for the golf clubs. This is getting out of hand! GO GO GO! *They all tackle Tristan and drag him away, leaving the flamango to the neighbor*  
  
Tristan struggled heavily but nevertheless was dragged away by the buff police men.  
  
Tristan: NO EX-CALIBUR! YOU BETRAYED ME! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL GET YOU!  
  
Policemen: Yeah, Yeah, just get in the car.  
  
The police car drove off, but Tristan's voice still rang in their ears.  
  
Yami: *shiver* That was close..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~Present time, in the park~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Joey was walking along in the park, he turned to the left, following the convienently placed trail of acid-green-glowing-radioactive-peanuts. He reached down and was about to pop one in his mouth when he heard an odd and yet snazzy song begin to play, the music emitting from this odd hut made out of pigeon skulls.  
  
"Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.  
  
Life is skittles and life is beer.  
  
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.  
  
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.  
  
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,  
  
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me."  
  
Joey smiled. He liked Skittles, and he liked beer, and he liked the song! He started humming along with it.  
  
"All the world seems in tune  
  
On a spring afternoon,  
  
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.  
  
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see  
  
My sweetheart and me,  
  
As we poison the pigeons in the park."  
  
What coincidence! He was in a park!  
  
"When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,  
  
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.  
  
The sun's shining bright,  
  
Ev'rything seems all right,  
  
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park."  
  
Speaking of peanuts, he reached down and popped some in his mouth.  
  
"Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo  
  
We've gained notoriety,  
  
And caused much anxiety  
  
In the Audubon Society  
  
With our games.  
  
They call it impiety,  
  
And lack of propriety,  
  
And quite a variety  
  
Of unpleasant names.  
  
But it's not against any religion  
  
To want to dispose of a pigeon.  
  
So if Sunday you're free,  
  
Why don't you come with me,  
  
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.  
  
And maybe we'll do  
  
In a squirrel or two,  
  
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.  
  
We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.  
  
Except for the few we take home to experiment.  
  
My pulse will be quickenin'  
  
With each drop of strychnine  
  
We feed to a pigeon.  
  
It just takes a smidgin!  
  
To poison a pigeon in the park."  
  
Joey clapped, what a delightful song! However now he was begaining to feel a bit dizzy. He turned around and sat down. There was a rattling from the hut.  
  
ScaryVoice: JOEY....  
  
Joey: Huh? My vision's going blurry! I'm hearing things! I'M DIEING! SAVE ME GOD!  
  
ScaryVoice: *MumbleMumble* Shh Bakura, Ahem, I AM GOD JOEY.  
  
Joey: YOU ARE?  
  
ScaryVoice: Yes! And if you want- just a minute. *MutterMutter* Get that one Pegaseus! Hah! Thats a big one..Blow it up! Blow it up! We have some fireworks in the shed!  
  
Pegaseus: Okay! *Prances out of the hut*  
  
Joey: *doesn't notice* God.. what do I do?  
  
ScaryVoice: What do you want you twerp! Oh yeah, right, go to the store and get me- BANG- HAHA That was a good one Pegaseus! Those illegal canadian fireworks sure do work! Oh sorry Joseph, God is a very busy man.  
  
Joey: *Nods* Of caurse. *Body twitches* ack.. dieing..  
  
ScaryVoice: Now, go to the store and get us *Whisper. Pause. Mutter* Some peanuts-  
  
Bakura: And some Beer! Some more beer!  
  
Pegaseus: *walks back into hut* Oh yeah, and a sandwich! You want a sandwich too Bakura?  
  
Bakura: Hell yah!  
  
Pegaseus: You heard the man! We want two sandwichs!  
  
ScaryVoice: SHUT UP! *Ahem* Joey.. If you want the antidote to live, go to the store and get peanuts, a sandwich-  
  
Pegaseus: Three sandwichs sir.  
  
ScaryVoice: Yeah Yeah, Three sandwichs, and as much beer as you can carry.  
  
Joey: Yes god.. I will do as you say. *Crawls off*  
  
YamiMalik: *Walks out of hut and stretches* Come Bakura, Pegaseus, let us sing the Theme Song again!  
  
AllThree: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, SPRING IS HERE-  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~The end~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SugarFang: And thats a wrap!  
  
ChocoMittens: Yep, another FangAndMittens production.  
  
AuraFang: o.o what about me?  
  
ChocoMittens:   
  
SugarFang: ^_^ Please review, we appreciate each one, even flames.  
  
ChocoMittens: We do?  
  
SugarFang: *Punch* -.- yes, we do. 


End file.
